Sleepless night
It was past midnight. The start of a new day with exciting journeys awaiting. It used to be that way. But now, to her, it’s just another day of getting by. Lighting up her favorite candle, she went to bed hoping to find some soothing.
Her favorite playlist was playing—Lover by Taylor Swift. She used to dance with all her heart whenever Lover was on because the whole album was a true reflection of how happy she had been at the time. But now those same lyrics effortlessly ripped her soul apart, leaving her thoughts running wild like a horse with no halter attached to it, released to the open country field. That didn’t bother her anymore since she had lost control of it for a while now.
“How much worse could it get at this point, to be honest?” she thought to herself. And just like that, it brought her on a time machine traveling back to October, every single moment flashing back like an old movie on display. What’s strange, though, was that it wasn’t the bad memories that broke her; it was all the moments of her being happy and alive and loved that cut her into pieces. But why?
The answer is simple—love. Yet, she didn’t she that coming. How could she possibly? This was not the first time she went through something like this. But this time it’s different, in a way that she could not make sense of it, even if she tried to. Because it’s not infatuation. It’s love—something she never felt before she met him. So this time it hit her like a train wreck, leaving her paralyzed in her own feelings, unable to process something she could not define.
Back then, she could be angry and mad and upset and blaming others. Back then, she was capable of feeling rage. But now, all she felt was empty and dark and numb. Numb.
Of course she’s hurt, but other than that, she had lost all sensibilities. Nothing could make her laugh. Nothing could let her down either. She already fell down the rabbit hole. But she had no one else to blame but herself. How could she ever move on knowing time could never make her love him any less. She thought it would, but it didn’t.
He was all she had. He was all that mattered to her. And now she has nothing.
